Welcome to the Neighborhood
by EdwardHadALittleLamb
Summary: "Married life sucks balls." "I'll drink to that!" Meet Isabella, Mary-Alice, Rosalie & Esme - Four very bored and neglected Arizona housewives who are on a mission to get their grooves back! Rated M for *winkwink*, crude humor and awful women! Sorry Mom! Canon/AU
1. Chapter 1: Welcome

**A/N: So this is a lighter and less drama filled story than Farewell My Love because well I need a break from all of that depression! Anywhooo this is a love child produced by myself and my Angie (Jasperstemptress) whom is the proud papa to my mama. Why? Because she basically pumped me full of delicious ideas until I gave birth through my fingers to this fic. Without further ado, Hello and welcome to the neighborhood...**

MEETING THE NEIGHBORS

Music: Beyonce - Run the World (Girls)

**Isabella:**

One thing I've learned from my life so far is that it never happens the way you plan it and even then everything is not what it seems. Here I am 27 years old with two kids, my dream home that's surrounded by a white picket fence, a dog named Spot and an adoring husband and I couldn't be more miserable if I tried. Why you ask? Because my kids are eight year old delinquents, my dream home is a prison and my husband is having an affair. But then again... Who said marriage had to be sexually exclusive?

**Mary-Alice: **

I just... Don't know what happened. How did I let myself get stuck here again? Have you ever shopped for so long that your feet got tired? You sat down right, like a brief intermission before going back out on the field? Well that's what I feel like with Ben. I've been "on the market" for so long that I thought it was time to rest on the nearest bench and take off my Jimmy Choos to let my toes air out. Never in a million years did I think he would ever propose marriage! Ugh, I hate my life now but at least Ben seems happy. He deserves that and in return... Well, I have unlimited access to his bank account.

**Rosalie: **

I admit it, I'm a jealous bitch, always have been, always will be especially when it comes to my man Emmett, we've been together our whole lives and ever since, it's always been us against the world. Even when the "awkward teen years" hit us, nothing ever broke us not even when we were both being salivated over by our classmates in high school. Sure, there are times when we get a bit too flirty with other people; we just sometimes don't know how to turn it off. And yeah, technically we're not together but who gives a fuck about technicalities? Yeah, thought so.

**Esme: **

I never pictured my marriage ending like this, but when you find your husband almost 20 years screwing the nanny; it's time to take back what rightfully yours is...starting with your man. Well I guess first I have to ask myself if I even want him back. I mean, I've tried to be the good wife and mother to him and our girls but I can't live my life like this anymore. I'm constantly ignored and being put into the background. He can keep his little Jezebel and I will continue to play the "good wife" while he gets his jollies off. I'll get my freedom. Someday. When that day comes, he just better watch out.

**A/N: Did ya feel welcomed?**


	2. Chapter 2: Isabella

**Mommy Dearest**

**Music: Sheryl Crow – If It Makes You Happy**

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><p><strong>BPOV<strong>

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!" _Ugh….Too early, not ready_ _to face the monsters yet_. "HAPPY BIRTHDAY, GRANDMA!" They laugh, normally that would make me chase them around the house but not today; I'm just too tired. "Ma! Wake up and blow out your candles!" I hear them but if I ignore them maybe they'll go away. _Wait, candles?_ I should be alarmed after what happened last Fourth of July. I shiver at the recollection of sparklers and cherry bombs in my mother-in-law's apple pie.

_Nah._

"Ma, wake up! It's your birthday today and we made you breakfast in bed!" Now they're jumping up and down on my bed and I'm getting motion sickness. "No _we_ didn't _I_ did!" And there they are with the roughhousing.

I have no choice now; with a mighty growl I'm up.

"Boys!" The fighting ceases instantly and they both look at me with the faces of perfect little angels. _Ha, angels my ass_. "Happy birthday, mommy." Says Tyler. Ah, Tyler my little mama's boy. He was born four minutes later than his twin brother Joshua and a little underweight but he's all grown up now, as a matter of fact both of my kids are_. Like I need another reminder of my life quickly passing before my eyes._

Sigh.

"Sorry mama but Daddy told me to wake you up an' let you know that he won't be home tonight but he's sending you a birthday present." Josh mumbles. Tyler comes out of nowhere and gives him a right hook to the gut. "Daddy told me to do it you liar!" And then Josh tackles Ty and they go about their normal Saturday routine. My husband won't be home again tonight_. Shocker._

I roll out of bed and place my feet onto the floor only to find that my loving children have discarded my birthday breakfast right on the tacky shag carpet they got me for Mother's Day. _Perfect_. After pulling on my robe and tying it tightly around my miraculously still small waist I head out into the hallway in search of my hooligans for children. I open the door and check in Ty's room but they're not in there so the next room I'm headed to is Josh's. Before I can take another step my nose is invaded by an awful and putrid scent. I sniff the air like a bloodhound and it leads me to the closet. _What died in here? _

_Oh god please don't let it be the neighbor's cat again. _

I open the door and even though what I see is enough to make me, I don't gasp in fear of choking on the smell and passing out.

Shit! No, literally shit! Everywhere!

I step forward to turn on the closet light but I stop when I feel my toes squish on the carpet. Slowly I lift my foot out of the warm mucky substance and I immediately scowl. I don't know how many times I'll have to tell them to take the goddamn dog outside to do his business! Hopping on one foot out of the room and to the bathroom I hear the boys and it seems like their fight has carried on to the – _crash!_ – living room.

"Ow! Dammit Josh you could'a broke my neck!"

Sigh.

Looks like it's about that time to start the day as mommy, mediator and housewife. Oh, I forgot to mention lonely, too. Some days I just want to cry and feel sorry for myself. Others I just want to make myself a screwdriver and let life have at it. As a matter of fact I feel like today is one of those days. I can hardly complain though because this is the life I chose for myself and my boys.

The good life.

_Snort._

I'm Isabella Newton and welcome to my fucked up life. Please hold all questions until the end and if you were smart, you'd jump ship now before you get stuck here too.

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><p><strong>AN: Most mommies do drink in the A.M.! Not that I would know about that…. *cough*Angie*cough***


	3. Chapter 3: MaryAlice

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or the Characters**

**Gilded Heart**

**Music: Kanye West - Gold Digger**

**A/N: READ WITH YOUR BEST SOUTHERN BELLE ACCENT! It's more fun that way!**

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><p><strong>Mary-Alice POV<strong>

"Oh, would y'look at that! The princess is up before noon today!" The heifer – I mean – Mama Cheney snips. But I'm not gonna go there and stoop to her level.

The woman is a walking insult.

The old hag is sitting at the old –and I stress the word _old _– oak table sipping out a stupid duck cup and wearing a ratty pink terrycloth robe with…. Wait for it… Rollers in her hair and dingy slippers!

See? Walking insult. Too easy.

I make a show of yawning and flicking imaginary eye boogers in her direction and maybe letting my middle finger linger in the air for a second or two.

_Or three._

"Oh, I made the coffee this morning," she sneers. "Extra special just for you. Just wanted to show you how much you mean to me."

Looking into the coffee pot I'm holding I see strands of what looks like hair, some blades of grass and what I suspect to be speckles of dirt. Instead of getting pissed and telling the old heifer off I dump the pot and throw the whole machine away.

"Oh, would you look at that! Somebody spilled some dirt in it! Ain't that a shame Mama Cheney?" I plaster a fake cheery smile onto my face. "Well, I guess Benny will just have to buy me a new one!" I finish with a clap and twirl around to the freezer in search of frozen waffles.

She angrily picks up the paper and her dumb duck shaped coffee mug seemingly put out by my attitude towards her behavior.

Old heifer-hag makes to leave the kitchen but not before taking one more shot at me.

"Jezebel."

I roll my eyes and close the freezer door in time to see Ben entering the kitchen. "Good mornin' sweetheart." I practically sing to Ben as he walks into the kitchen for breakfast. Breakfast that his mama prepared for him might I add. He doesn't even bother to look up from his plate to hand me his wallet. I take two twenties along with a crisp fifty dollar bill and stuff them in my bra. I waltz out of the kitchen to the foyer to let Winnie the Dog out to go tinkle. Which reminds me…

"Darlin' Winnie's gonna be needin'-" He hands me another fifty and I smile. I kiss him soundly on the cheek and leave him to eat in peace.

To some that transaction might have seemed cold and impersonal but that's just the way Ben and me have always been and I must say it is kind of a relief. There was no need to always butter him up or make kissy face whenever I needed something but it made me feel like less of… well… a bitch, when I did. Plus since we don't have much in common it doesn't make for awkward or strained conversation.

I know what you're thinking. What kind'a relationship is that?

Well now here's the thing, I've been with my fiancé for two years but we haven't even started planning our wedding yet. I tell everybody that it's because the season ain't right or because the wedding planner I wanted wasn't available. I even went as far as to blame it on bad timing of my cycle.

_Because let's face it – you want Aunt Flow to be a no-show when you thinking about getting it on._

But no matter what excuse I use it doesn't fool me none because I know the truth.

I don't love Benjamin Cheney.

I knew it three years ago and I know it even more today. It just doesn't feel right whenever I'm with Ben and I just know he feels it too. But mother says that I'm not getting any younger and that she wants grandbabies considering I'm her only child with good sense.

I can't help but think: shouldn't I be marrying for love instead of convenience?

Ugh, all this is doin' my head in. I think it's about that time for happy hour at Jenner's; come to think of it I could definitely use a massage too.

_I smell an impromptu spa day!_

I get my cell out and dial Esme first and then dial in Rose on three-way. "Esme, Rosalie, it's Mary-Alice, I was wondering if you ladies wanted to surprise Bella with a getaway to the spa for her birthday, knowing her she'll need it and we can all catch up and get our drink on and then just relax."

"Oh, I don't know Mary-Alice, Phillip has important people coming over for dinner tonight and there's so much to do!" Says Esme.

"To hell with that, come out with us Essie! We never see you anymore!" Rosalie angrily spouts.

"Yeah Esme, I feel like I haven't seen you in ages, plus if I have to sit in this house with Mama Cheney for another second – let's just say that that life insurance policy of hers will be buying me a new wardrobe." I say trying to convince her.

"Well what about my kids? I don't know of any sitters and y'all know how I feel about leaving them with strangers and besides I highly doubt if Isabella has anyone willing to watch 'The Shining Twins!"

"But Essie you don't understand," I'm shamelessly begging now, "I need normal human interaction and I need my girls to give me that! Please please _please_!" It's quiet for a minute and I'm internally doing my happy dance thinking she's finally gonna say yes.

"I'm sorry Mary-Alice." She sighs.

Rosalie grumbles, "Fucking husbands and kids – this is why I refuse to get married! Everybody says 'Oh, Rosalie, you and Emmett should tie the knot already and start poppin' out a few babies!' And y'know what I say?" she asks rhetorically, she knows better than to expect an answer. "I say 'NO!' why would I wanna tie myself to that life forever?"

"So that's a definite 'No', Esme?" I divert the conversation, not bothering to answer Rosalie. She goes off on the same rant every time. We all know how badly she wants that big hunk'a man to "yabba-dabba-do" her.

Her words. Drunk Rose is a talkative little thing.

"I'm sorry ladies." Esme says solemnly. "Look, I feel like I ruined the party before it even began, tell Isabella that I'll bite the bullet and watch her boys for the night."

We all hang up and I dial Isabella.

"Dammit! Tyler Charles Newton! Come clean this mess up!" I hear Isabella yell out and then the call disconnects. I wait thirty seconds and then call back.

"Hello?" She answers, sounding breathless and irritated.

_Perfect._

"You need a break, get dressed, Rosalie and I are takin' you out tonight to for drinks and a night of debauchery!"

"Oh fuck yes! You have no goddamn idea how bad I've been craving a stiff drink – or six!" She giggles.

"Yeah we're gonna go down to Jenner's and have a round of margaritas –on us of course. But that's not the best part though! Guess what else we're gonna do!" I don't give her time to answer. "Go to the spa; Ben's treat!"

Isabella groans, "Oh Alice you know I hate the fucking spa! It's just a tease! They have those sexy ass muscular foreign men to rub you down and make your whole body tingly but they're gay! It's like walking into a candy store only to find out that the shit's all sugar-free!"

I laugh at her remembering what happened last time. "Oh hush up, at least you know now!"

"It's not funny, besides, I think I'm banned from there anyway. Y'know, police restrictions and all."

"Uh huh, well Esme will watch the boys so we'll drop them off on the way. Now go, get sexy!" I say therefore squashing any more protests from her and hang up and skip to my bedroom to pick out the perfect outfit.

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><p>AN: Now I ain't sayin' she a gold digger... Well... Yes I am.


	4. Chapter 4: Rosalie

**Disclaimer: We do not own Twilight or the characters.**

**Longing for a Friend**

**Music: Corrine Bailey Rae - Breathless**

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><p><strong>Rosalie POV<strong>

After hanging up with Esme and Alice I feel a bit out of it. I think about my girlfriends and their relationships. While I don't particularly envy them of their predicaments I can't help but yearn for what they have – but better – with the absolute love of my life Emmett.

Who is also…? My best friend. I know. So cliché, but it's true.

But wait there's more.

Between his lack of numerous floozies that he usually parades around me and my current dry spell I've had ample time to tell him how I felt, but I just can't. I'm scared that he won't feel the same way and I'll lose my best friend.

Pathetic right? Well you're wrong darnit because you don't know the whole story so I'll tell you.

So, here's the story about a boy and a girl who grew up together remaining best friends through even through braces, zits and just plain growing up. We did lose contact for about two years after graduating from high school but Emmett and I are as thick as thieves now and forever. Were both now twenty five years old and we've been inseparable since that fateful day we reconnected in college.

**Flashback**

It was the first day of the beginning of second semester of my junior year and I was talking to my friend Vera about nothing in particular when I first saw him. And hot damn was he gorgeous!

Mr. Gorgeous was standing about three people away from me and looking completely out of his element but scrumptious nonetheless. I checked out his profile while he was reading from a paper that must have been his schedule or something. He was so tall; at least 6'5" with bulging muscles that immediately conjured up a few Tarzan fantasies. His curly black hair looked so soft and had a very subtle luster to it and it perfectly complemented his deep tan.

I couldn't see his eyes from this angle but I did see his perfect darkish pink lips that he licked with that thick pink tongue after every few mumbled words to himself.

_Oh, Mama like…_

While I was lost in daydreams of what his lips, tongue and teeth would feel like on my body I felt Vera poking my side with her acrylic nail and those bitches hurt.

"Ow!" I jumped and swatted her hand away. "What the hell, V?"

"Just go talk to him and stop being a creep. He's hot, you're hot. Make it happen."

I open my mouth to protest or deny but it's no use and she's right. I turn and I'm determined to talk to him but to my absolute horror he's not there!

I scan the crowds at least six times before I give up on my search for Mr. Gorgeous. I sullenly walk back over to Vera completely feeling sorry for myself when I'm suddenly in the shadow of a very large figure. I look up and my panties almost fall down to lie at his feet. It was Mr. Gorgeous.

I knew I had to introduce myself to the father of all nine of my future children.

I extended my arm to him, offering my hand to shake. "Hi, I'm Lillian Hale but I go by Rosalie, you must be new since I've never seen you before and I know everybody on this campus." He shook his head and smiled, showcasing two of the most beautiful dimples I'd ever seen and I swear my panties dropped.

"Emmett McCarty and yes I am new here, hailing all the way from Gatlinburg, Tennessee and I must say pretty lady, you are the first nice person I've met since I have moved here." That little comment caused me to do something that I never did – blush and giggle like a moronic twat.

"So how have you been? I've sure missed you these last two years."

_Uh, Whaaat?_

_Ok, this one is obviously a loon_.

"I beg your pardon?" I say confusedly because well, I was confused.

He tossed his head back and launched into a full belly laugh. One that I would have found endearing if I wasn't mentally planning an escape from this man.

He looked back at me and he must have realized the look on my face which was probably a cross between a look of fear and constipation, because his smile immediately faltered and he awkwardly cleared his throat.

"You really don't remember me Rosie?" His voice sounded hurt. I finally looked into his eyes and I'm smacked upside the head by recognition. It seemed that montages of memories were being passed between his crystal clear baby blues and my wide violet ones.

"Remember me now Lilly-bug?" He smirks knowing how much I hated that name as a kid and I smack him on the bicep. His very…muscular…bicep.

"M-my how you've grown." I stutter and state dumbly with my eyes scanning him from head to toe. Emmett chuckled and pulled me in for one of his infamous bear hugs.

That was the day a beautiful friendship picked right back up where it left off.

**End Flashback**

"Em, its 11:45, you've got a meeting with your boss today and you still haven't even worked out yet." The only response I get is a snore so loud, it makes a bear sound quiet...and that's on a good day! Again, remind me why I'm in love with this man?

"Em!" I yell and smack his ass.

_Yeah, that was totally for my pleasure and boy was it good!_

"Whaaaaa…. Five…teen…minutes…" And he's out minutes later, I've got his favorite breakfast on the table, French toast with extra powdered sugar and maple syrup on top with fresh strawberries and orange juice. He comes downstairs bright eyed and bushy tailed looking more edible than anything I've prepared.

_G'damn!_

"Mmmm," He sniffs the air and hums in appreciation. "Something sure does smell good!" I blush and toe the ground. Emmett rounds the table and kisses me soundly on the cheek and my whole body is one fire.  
>"Rosie, babe this looks amazing; I truly don't know what I would do without you." He gives me that dimpled smile that makes me weak in the knees, butterflies in the stomach, that sort of thing.<p>

After Emmett leaves for work, I shower and dress for comfort in a plain white tee and pink hoodie with jean shorts and my white rhinestone wedge flip flops. After throwing my hair up into a half-assed ponytail I sit on my bed and put together my friend and next door neighbor Bella's birthday present that I bought it on sale at our favorite adult store: _ANGELIQUE'S BED OF SIN._ It's more of a gag gift but heaven knows that she needs it.

It's a California Exotics Butterfly Kiss. It comes with a G-spot stimulator and a clit-tickler!

Sweet baby Jesus!

I should have got one for myself as well.

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><p>AN: Spoiler alert! Rose isn't a bitch lol only when it comes to admitting her feelings.


	5. Chapter 5: Esme

**Disclaimer: We are not the owners of Twilight or the music. You all know that... Everyone does. BUT! I can't afford to get sued. IDK about Angie.**

**Til Death Do Us Part**

**Music: Michael Jackson - Smile (will bring tears to your eyes if you have a heart!)**

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><p><strong>Esme POV<strong>

Standing in front of the window while drinking my morning coffee always helps me relax for some reason. I guess it's because when I look outside and see the birds, trees and children out and about; I don't feel so much like a prisoner in my own home.

Make no mistake, I have the freedom to come and go as I please and if I wanted to walk out the door right now and never come back again – I'd do it.

But I can't.

And I won't.

My husband and three children would be left completely clueless and therefore destitute if I was to ever leave them to fend for themselves and I have a feeling that my lord and savior Jesus Christ would never forgive me for such cruel abandonment.

I've been with my "loving" husband Phillip since we were teenagers and as we got older it was expected for us to marry and have children. He, as the man - according to my mother – was the breadwinner and I – according to my father – am supposed to be the perfect housewife. You know the kind from the fifties that dress in floral dresses and frilly aprons while busting their asses to make certain that dinner is on the table and ready to serve promptly at six-thirty every single night.

Mom and Dad had a brilliant view of family dynamic, didn't they?

Twenty years is how long we've been married and we have three beautiful children to show for it...Sophia, Hunter and Danielle.

Sophia Elizabeth Dwyer, whom is now fourteen, was my first born and first daughter. When I was pregnant with her nobody let me lift a finger! I was pampered and constantly fussed over so when little Sophie was born I gladly scampered off to the shadows of her limelight – after all my beautiful baby did deserve to be worshipped. She was the most precious thing I'd ever laid eyes on with her curly blonde hair, milky gray eyes that would later turn blue and plump rosy cheeks. When she turned three years old Phillip decided that he wanted a son and what Phillip wanted – he got.

A healthy and screaming Hunter James Dwyer was born nine months later and five years later as a result of numerous prayers, so was Danielle Angela Dwyer. Their arrivals were very much similar to Sophie's except Phillip was more hands on with Hunter. He claimed that 'a boy needs his father growing up.'

What in the God's name does he think his daughters need then? I haven't a clue.

All in all I love my children more than my own life and although they sometimes might make me want to pull my hair out by the roots, I could never imagine changing my life in fear that they would not exist.

I hear a muted –_thump_ – above my head which signals Hunter's – 'I'm-too-lazy-to-get-my-ass-up-so-I'm-gonna-roll-out-of-bed-instead', routine. I sigh and glance wistfully out of the window once more before leaving to set breakfast out on the table.

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><p>"Esme, doll, I'm having some coworkers over for supper tonight –"<p>

"But Phillip, we just had your parents and brother over for dinner the night before and I really don't think I can survive trying to prepare and serve another meal that large." I interrupt, a bit rudely and more than a little put out. He hums.

Freaking. Hums.

"As I was saying, we have guests coming for dinner and I expect it to be on the table by seven o' clock SHARP!" He barks at me.

_As usual, he shows no concern about me, my opinions or feelings. _

My contempt for this situation must be written across my face because Phillip's whole demeanor shifts as he crosses over to me in three short strides.

But as short as they may have been I'm able to still hear and feel the echo of each in slow motion as they thud against the wooden floor of the foyer. Phillip has never hit me but he insists on putting the fear of God in me.

_Will today be the day? _

My heart rate spikes so significantly that I feel it at the base of my throat and I worry that I will cough the organ up. When I feel his breath hot and moist on my face my 'fight or flight' instincts tell me to flee immediately but I can't because I'm hindered by an enormous amount of pressure. Phillip has his left hand clutched tightly around the back of my neck and my head angled up so that I have no choice but to look him in his eyes.

"I don't need this shit from you Esme. Especially. Not. Tonight." He squeezes harder three times with each growled word and his usually clear bluish gray eyes are clouded with anger.

"I need a wife that can at least cook a decent meal since you can't clean worth a shit. Honestly I don't know why I keep you around anymore, Esme. I _would_ suggest that you make yourself useful and pop me out another kid but heaven forbid I ask you to spread your legs for me – you'd have a bitch fit and to top things off, you're terrible at raising the children we do have!"

I flinch as some of his spittle lands on my left cheek.

"So do the both of us a favor _darling_. The next time you want to feel indignant about something, you just make sure your shit don't stink first."

"Daddy said a swear! That's a nickel in the swear jar, Daddy!" Danielle announces from the top of the stairs and I close my eyes in silent 'thanks' at the interruption. Phillip roughly kisses my cheek before forcefully letting go of my neck and turns to give a beaming smile to our youngest daughter whose eyes are shining with love for her father, completely oblivious to the scene she just walked in on.

"Ah, you caught me, Pumpkin!" Phillip surrendered well naturedly and dropped a nickel into the aforementioned swear jar. Hunter and Sophie are now downstairs to collect their backpacks and plop down on the sofa to watch cartoons while they wait for the school bus to arrive. "Kids, Daddy has some very important friends coming over tonight so it's extremely important that you be on your best behaviors, understood?" They nod. "Esme, are you available for dinner honey or is there a more pressing issue that will be demanding you for the evening?" He looks at me expectantly but with an underlying smug expression.

"Yes dear, I'll even serve your favorite, rosemary chicken with cream potatoes and French cut green beans." I say in a monotonous tone. He cocks his head slightly to the right, "Are you sure? I mean, we did have guests last night, sweetheart. Are you sure you're up for it?" His need to humiliate me causes him to refuse to let this go.

"No Phillip, I'm sure I can manage." I murmur.

"You see that kids? Your mom knows that her family is the only thing that matters; she knows her place in this family. Isn't Mommy a trooper?" He says enthusiastically to the kids and they nod and smile at me while I try to fight the tears that threaten to show my children how pathetic I am. He doesn't care though, as long as he has what he asked for and was able to successfully knock down another piece of me; he's content. He smiles and nods and after he gives me a light kiss on the cheek and kisses the kids on the forehead, he's off to work.

After the kids leave for school, I get in the shower and let the tears flow freely. As per usual, I don't deliberate on why they fall, I just let them. Halfway through I complete the final steps of my daily ritual by thinking about things that make me happy about my life and then praying. Twenty minutes later, I am all dried off and dressed in casual comfort clothing enjoying my second cup of coffee, my phone rings and it is Mary Alice, one of my neighbors that live in the cul de sac and also one of my closest friends along with Isabella and Rosalie. They listen and don't judge me when I talk to them about my home life.

"Esme, Rosalie, it's Mary-Alice, I was wondering if you ladies wanted to surprise Bella with a getaway to the spa for her birthday, knowing her she'll need it and we can all catch up and get our drink on and then just relax."

Even though it hurts me to do so, I have to decline and after some colorful words from Rosalie and planning my own death by suggesting babysitting for Isabella, they accept. I hang up the phone and stare out the window while unknowingly letting hours pass. I dump out my cold coffee into the sink and sit on my perch on the windowsill for about three more minutes until I decide to get moving.

_Sigh._

Lord give me strength.


	6. Chapter 6: Party Time!

**Disclaimer: SM OWNS TWILIGHT AND MUSIC BELONGS TO THE ARTISTS!**

** Birthday Celebration**

** Music: Blame it on the Alcohol - Jamie Foxx ft. T-Pain**

** A/N: SO SO SO sorry readers old and new! I take full responsibility for being WAY late on the updates but well... Time flies when you're honeymooning! And I'd like to say that even in this newlywed phase Jasperstemptress and this story have both been on my mind! Again I'm so sorry AND... We're back!**

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><p>"I mean don't get me wrong, I love my kids y'know? It's just hard when I think about what my life could have been without Mike or Joshua or Tyler – or Mike. Did I say Mike? Yeah, especially Mike." Bella slurred and hiccupped as she polished off yet another Long Island Iced Tea.<p>

"Whoa there Drunkie," laughed Alice, "I think you've had way more than enough!" She tried to pry Bella's fingers off from around the glass but Bella's drunken grip was too strong.

"No! I wanna drink alllll niiiight looooong! It _is_ my birfyay, Alish." She slurred. The waiter was on his way to deliver a fresh round of drinks but Alice vehemently declined and signaled to cut Bella off for the night.

"Personally, I think she hasn't had enough," laughed Rose as she poured three shots of Kinky and slid them all over to Bella who smiled sloppily. "Take it to the head bitch!" Rosalie laughed as Bella tried to drink all three in quick succession.

"Ooh! I wanna dance now!" Bella shimmied a little in her seat to _Nickleback's Something in Your Mouth,_ before stumbling to the dance floor and finding a vacant area amongst the bodies of other dancers. As she began swinging her hips and waving her arms erratically in the air she gathered quite a crowd. "Ok, maybe giving her the shots was a bad idea after all." Rose said.

"No shit, Sherlock. She's freakin' wasted! Oh god, she's walking like a goddamn Egyptian." Alice said as she stared on in horror at her friend.

"Oh c'mon let her have her fun! I mean, even though she is embarrassing the hell out of herself, she never gets to let her freak flag fly anymore!" The girls laughed and turned their attention back to their drunken friend who was now grinding naughtily against a delicious specimen of a man.

"Hey Al who is that guy dry fucking Bella's hip?"

"Holy hell he's a cutie! Wait, he looks kind of familiar I think?" Alice tried to remember where she could have possibly met the stranger.

Rose was leaning over the booth with her ass in the air trying to get a better look at the man's face but she couldn't because it was buried in Bella's neck.

"I don't know but from the way he's grinding on her ass he might either be trying to give her a rectal exam with his cock or aiming to be her new baby's daddy!" cackled Rose.

"I'm serious Rose, he looks really familiar."

After a few more songs, Bella and her mystery man walk over to the table hand in hand.

"Guys this is Ed-Edgar." Bella slurred through hiccups while mystery guy shook his head and chuckled.

"It's actually Edward," he said as he shook hands with Alice and Rosalie, "Your friend here has had a few too many huh?" Bella took advantage of all three of their attentions being off of her by downing another shot.

"Edgar… Edward… As long as you're not a Mike. I don't like Mikes." Rosalie snatched the glass away and pulled Bella down into the booth next to her and moved the rest of the drinks toward Alice which caused Bella to pout.

Edward laughed and leaned over the booth to kiss Bella on the head, "Take it easy beautiful," another kiss, "I'll be back to check up on you later." And with a nod to both Alice and Rosalie he was gone.

Alice looked to Rose who looked to Bella, who was busy watching Edward's ass as he walked away, before bursting into a fit of giggles. "Holy hell girl! What has gotten into you? Have you gone crazy?" Bella sipped on her water casually before answering. "I don't know what you mean." Alice was about to reply before Rosalie help up her hand. "Listen sugar, the way you were all up on him says differently. Now I understand dancing with a guy but… Bella that was something else." Rose huffed. "Sweetheart we're your girls, talk to us, you know we won't judge. Just cut the bullshit."

Bella took a minute to study both of her friend's faces before she sighed and decided to give up the goat. "Ok, so I'm drunk. Well tipsy now – thank you Rosalie," she said in humor as she held up her water bottle, "Anyway I'm feeling a bit tipsy so this might just be a fluke or something but I think – no, I'm sure he's the one." Even though music is thumping loudly through the speakers of the club silence has fallen upon the table.

"Alice, I think it's time to take our dear girl home." Rose laughs effectively dismissing the tense moment.

Grabbing their purses and Bella's shoes Alice and Rose each sling one of Bella's arms around their necks and proceed to drag her out of the booth and towards the exit.

"Wait!" Screeched Bella, "I promised Edgar that we'd take him to the train station after his shift was over!"

Alice huffed and struggled a bit under Bella's weight, "Look honey, I don't see him anywhere and I don't think it's such a good idea to be riding around with strangers. Now let's go before I get a damn hernia from carrying your fat ass!"

And suddenly Bella was airborne.

"Aahh! Help me! Alice! Rose! Stranger danger, stranger danger!"

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><p><strong>AN: STRANGER DANGER! Leave some love please? If you guys are gonna punish me and give me the cold shoulder that's cool too... (Its not haha!)**


	7. Chapter 7: Isabella

**DISCLAIMER: SM OWNS TWILIGHT AND THE MUSIC BELONGS TO THE ARTISTS**

**Like A Virgin**

** Music: Madonna - Like A Virgin**

** A/N: TWO UPDATES?! Forgive me yet?**

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><p><strong>BPOV<strong>

"Aahh! Help me! Alice! Rose! Stranger danger, stranger danger!" I scream at the top of my lungs for help. I scream for my friends to stop the monster that's probably dragging me away to his underground cave to deflower me.

Fuck, I really am drunk. I haven't been a virgin in _years._

While flailing about I manage to kick the monster in the nads twice and he drops me during his coughing and wheezing fit. I turn around ready to kick some ass when I realize it was Edgar.

Oh snaps, my bad.

"I'm so sorry! I thought you were, oh gosh never mind! I'm so very sorry Edgar!" I apologize profusely but he just shakes his head.

He is mighty deep shade of red that boy.

He swats my hands away but I'm still determined to rectify my wrong in this situation. "You want me to kiss it, huh? Will that make it feel better? I always kiss Joshua's and Tyler's boo-boos when they're hurt and it always makes them better!" Edgar gasps and coughs more. "Yeah, that's it I'll kiss it all better! C'mere!" I reach for him but Rose and Alice lift me from my knees and hold me tightly to prevent from falling down to them again. I look around a see a small crowd watching the spectacle that is me and I'm not drunk enough to not be embarrassed by the attention. I hear a tittering of the bitchy kind when I reach for my victim and he pulls away from me once again to stand on his own.

"Oh my goodness this is like _so_ funny it's sad!"

"What kind of loser attacks a hunk like that?"

"I know right? I'm _so_ tweeting this right now, oh-em-gee!"

I follow the sound to a group of blonde dumbasses in tube tops and flip flops – typical tourist college girls on holiday – and before I can decide on a way to assault them, verbally or physically, Rose beats me to it.

"The fuck are you cum-dumpsters giggling about? Oh let me guess, how much coke each of you whores can snort off your daddy's cocks?"

"And sweetheart," Alice points to the tweeter, "those shoes _so_ don't go with your silicon tits. I advise you to get a full refund on both."

I feel Edgar slip his hand into mine and my attention is pulled away from the verbal battle between my girls and the blondes.

"I'm sorry." I whisper.

"Uh, I would forgive you but I think you're gonna have to work for my forgiveness tonight missy, that really did fuckin' hurt. You might have smashed my ego too." He smirks his crooked grin at me and I fall victim to it once again, the same way I did earlier when he asked for a dance.

"I wish I could but we were actually on our way home. School night and all." I blush not knowing why I felt the need to add that part. Edgar was obviously not in school.

_Guess it's naturally a momma thing._

"Uh yeah," he chuckles, "Well how about we schedule a lunch date sometime? I'm still new to the area and I wouldn't mind having someone as beautiful as you as a tour guide… Even if you do bust my balls every now and then." He finishes with a wink so I know that he is just joking and I nod in acquiescence.

"Did you still need a ride to the train station? We'd definitely give you a lift if you need it." I glance over at Rose and Alice who are high fiving the shit out of each other while the blonde bunch skank off.

_Ha ha. Skank off. _

Edgar scratches the back of his head and shuffles nervously from foot to foot.

Strange.

"I was hoping I could take you home myself?" He asks like he wasn't sure if that was what he really wanted. "My buddy let me borrow his car for the night. Well he hopes it's gonna help him get lucky, y'know, being stranded and all." We both laugh at his friends antics and head out to the parking lot.

I hurriedly tell the girls of the plan and while they both look skeptical of my decision they eventually leave me in my slightly intoxicated state with my perfect stranger that I met in a bar.

Don't judge them. They made me pinky swear to call them as soon as I got home. _Pinky_ swear. My kids will tell you, that is some serious shit.

"Ready to go?" Edgar asks from the driver's seat of a very familiar Chevy. I'm about to climb in passenger's side when Alice the Mighty Midget manhandles me and pulls me out of the car.

"Please do not forget that you are a married woman and the mother of two children Isabella."

And now the proverbial ice water has been thrown in my face. Thanks Alice.

"I know that _Mary-_Alice," I emphasize her first name to show that I can play bitch face too. "It's just a ride home from a friend not to hell."

"Yeah, well adultery is a sin that shall send you flying there first class!" I shake my head at my best girlfriend. Sometimes Alice can sound just like her wacky soon-to-be mother-in-law, but we don't dare tell her so.

"Thanks for reminding me but you have nothing to worry about. I mean, what do you think I'll do – mount him as soon as we pull up to my driveway?"

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><p>"Ooooh…fuck….E-Edward! Don't stop!" I moaned helplessly into my arms, begging for him to keep up with his sweet punishment that he was putting on my pussy.<p>

"Fuck! Beautiful…You feel…. so… Damn good!" Edward grunts between thrusts. His voice was rough like sandpaper but caressed my body like the summertime sun.

"Oh God, yes…. You feel… Oh FUCK!" Edward grabbed on roughly to my hips and promptly started fucking the hell out of me, slamming my hips back to meet each of his powerful thrusts. I felt my wetness leaking out of me at an alarming rate and I would have been embarrassed but when I heard the sounds of his Bella soaked balls slapping against my clit I released another wave.

"You like this shit don't you?" He growls sounding as wild as he felt slamming his body into mine. "I know you fucking do…" I mewl in response unable to string together a coherent thought so forget about a decent response.

"You tired already baby? Hmm? Teasin' me all night long… Makin' my dick leak for you and now you can't take it? I am too much for you Isabella?" He coos into my ear while he slowly moves in and out of my poor abused pussy.

"Well too fuckin' bad sweetheart. Take my dick - take it like a good girl." He wraps my hair around his fist which causes my back to arch, and allows him to slide deeper into my body than ever before. My legs buckle and I almost slide down the wall until I feel his strong arm wrap around my middle, determined to not let my momentary weakness deter him.

"You're not getting away from this baby… From me…" He kisses and sucks on the back of my neck and presses his body closely to mine. His front to my back… His lips on my neck… His hips flush against my ass… His hard cock grinding in my pussy, trying to dig deeper into me.

"Edward!" I gasp. "I'm so close…Please!"

You know how they say to be careful what you wish for?

Edward abruptly stops his assault on my pussy and pulls out swiftly. I groan at the loss of contact.

"Grab your ankles." He says roughly.

Oh God.

_**BEEP BEEP BEEP! BEEP BEEP BEEP! BEEP BEEP BEEP!**_

I roll over and proceed to beat the shit out of my alarm clock.

Edward, as I learned was his name during the blurry car ride home, was just about to get freaky with me and I was so close to climaxing!

I was right there!

I hadn't had a dream like that since I saw Rob Lowe in that movie The Outsiders. Seeing him step out of the shower with only a towel barely shielding half of his naked glory? Yeah, I flicked the bean with the screen paused at least a dozen times.

I realized my mistake I rolling over when two things happened. First was my husband draping his leg over both of mine and second was when I realized we both were naked. And to make matters worse I had a headache, I wasn't sure if it came from my hangover or the knowledge that I might have slept with Mike. Whatever the cause I popped two Aleve liquid gel pills like an addict.

I stumble towards the shower after seeing that it was now 6:26 a.m. and I killed a few minutes too many freaking about something that probably didn't happen anyway.

I know what you're thinking: "Why are you getting up so early Bella?"

Because I have kids, and its Friday. Kids have school on Fridays and apparently they should be on time.

Not what you were thinking, I know, but it was way easier to explain than the reason why my husband laying naked beside my naked body creeps me out. Michael Newton asked me to prom senior year and the first eight times I had said no. I was in a steady relationship at the time and plus Mike was my Bio partner and he irritated the ever loving crap out of me. No, I fully intended to go full on cliché that year – go to the prom with my high school sweetheart, be crowned Prom Queen to his Prom King and finally lose my virginity in the limo that he would rent that night. Turns out I became a cliché in a totally different way. James dumped me two days before the Prom and promptly began screwing my cousin Victoria but did it in front of my face this time instead of behind my back. Anyway, after watching Victoria shove her tongue down James's throat as they posed for pictures I asked Mike to dance and after a few cups of the spiked punch I found myself in the backseat of his musty old Toyota with my legs in the air and Mike humping at me like a horny pooch.

Three months later we were married.

Six months later I gave birth to Joshua and Tyler Newton.

Eight years later I'm still trapped in a loveless marriage for the sake of my boys and well, my pride too.

James and Vicky had a daughter two years ago after they announced their engagement. They named her Miracle Dream-Love Hunter. I know this because they invited me to their engagement party, wedding and baby shower.

If that isn't proof that Victoria still does acid then I don't know what is.

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><p>I'm making breakfast and packing up lunch for the boys when I notice Esme in her window. I never got a chance to thank her properly for babysitting the boys for me on such short notice yesterday. I smile and wave, deciding to pay her a visit later on today to gossip about what she missed. I drink a much needed cup of black coffee before calling the twins down for breakfast.<p>

Thinking back to the ride home with Edward, while everything is still a bit murky I remember him giving me his jacket after I attempted to strip and let him have at me in the front seat of his friend's car. I groan in embarrassment and then in pain when my headache protests the sound of my own voice. I also remember him walking me to the door and kissing my cheek after programming his number into my phone. I'd definitely like to see him again but who would want to hang out with an old married mother of two like me? Sure, I'm still fairly young and sure I look hot as hell for my late twenties but I've already been driven off the lot with more than a little mileage under my belt. I might require a tune up and definitely an oil change and...

Dammit, I gotta stop hanging out with Rosalie if I'm gonna start using motor-vehicle metaphors.

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><p><strong>AN: So? This chapter was kind of like a filler of sorts. We're getting there! Leave love?**


	8. Chapter 8: MaryAlice

DISCLAIMER:SM owns Twilight, and the music belongs to the artists

No Fairy Tale Feeling

Music: Katy Perry – Not Like the Movies

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><p><strong>APOV<strong>

"Look, all I'm saying is if you are going to be my wife then you need to at least try to get along with my mother! She's very important to me, Mary-Alice, and I will not stand for any disrespect towards her!"

"And all I'm saying is that she could at least stop being such a bitch to me for no good reason," I pause momentarily to gather my emotions, "Benjamin, sweetheart, I personally never had any issue with her to begin with but when you first introduced me to your mother she called me a heathen when I barely said 'hello' to the insolent woman! Now, please tell me what _am_ I supposed to do when she verbally abuses me every day without a single cause?" I cross my arms, cock my hip and toss in a bitch brow for good measure. We had been going back and forth for over a half hour now but I refuse to back down because I know I'm not in the wrong on this one.

Benjamin mumbles some gibberish and leaves without another word which is fine with me. I really don't care that he is upset with me this time because his bitch of a mother started it. I was coming downstairs when I heard the two of them in the sitting room discussing me and our upcoming nuptials. I was essentially only mildly angry with my fiancé for trying to make decisions about our wedding without me but when I heard _her_ bitching about cancelling the wedding altogether and slandering my good name by calling me a gold digging whore and a selfish spoiled brat, I thought I was gonna blow a gasket!

He didn't even defend me!

I stomped upstairs to my room and slammed the door not giving a damn if that clued them in on if I was listening. Feeling flustered and unsettled I dialed up my mother.

"Mary-Alice?"

"Hello, Mother. I have a bit of a problem with Benjamin and I needed someone to talk to." I say, remembering to pronounce every syllable in every word since Mother hates when I use my accent. She claims it makes me sound like a backwoods hillbilly.

"Oh darling what's happened? The wedding hasn't been cancelled has it? Mary-Alice Brandon, you'd better go fix whatever you did wrong right this instant!" Mother shrilly demands and my eyes begin to tear up.

"I didn't do anything wrong, Mother! I'm just really stressed out right about now and I'm at my wit's end! I don't know how to make him happy and myself happy in return." I sniffle letting the tears flow freely. She never thinks anything positively about me and I'm really starting to regret calling her.

"Make yourself happy - are you daft? Have I taught you nothing? You are _not_ and will _never_ be marrying for '_happiness'_! No, the only thing that matters is if he can provide for you and your family, if he can give you a life of luxury that I-you… deserve! I tell you, your father would be rolling over in his grave right now if he knew you thought so little of yourself."

I let out a strangled sob because that seriously struck a nerve.

"I don't… I mean… I-I just…" I begin but I don't know what to say. She's right.

"I know what this is about. You're starting to become just like your sister and if you keep up with all of this foolishness I swear I will not hesitate to drop your ass from my family as well! I will not have another daughter make a fool of me do you hear me! Do _not_ disappoint me!" She warned before she hung up.

"Yes ma'am." I whispered to the dial tone.

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><p>"Hey Mama Cheney, I was wonderin' if you'd like to accompany me to a wine tastin' this evenin'. It's pretty exclusive – invite only and I happen to have a plus one." I finish with a fake cheery smile.<p>

Scoffing at how ridiculous this whole thing was I throw my hand mirror onto the plush chaise next to my bed. I had been practicing what to say to Mama Cheney for about an hour and a half now and I'm starting to feel more than a little ridiculous. After checking my makeup and hair and smoothing out my brand spanking new dress – courtesy of Benjamin's AMEX card – I was ready for battle.

About two hours later finds me sitting shotgun in the bucket seat in Mama Cheney's old jalopy of a truck. She declined my invitation suggesting instead that I attend brunch with her and a few other women from the church. I was immediately suspicious because she hadn't taken even a second to insult me first and she was being extremely…sweet. Safe to say I would be keeping an eye on my scones and coffee.

"I hope you don't mind but I have to make a quick stop before we go to the restaurant."

Instead of waiting for my reply, which I don't think she cared about anyway, she begins to hum and turns up the radio - which barely has any audible music through the static – but still effectively telling me conversation was out of the question.

When she stops the car it's at storage facility and she hops out without a word, sashaying towards the building. Much to my dismay the fashionista in me can't help but appraise her outfit choice, a purple and black tunic dress with nude pumps, pearl necklace and satin clutch - all of which are a major upgrade from her usual threadbare robe, tacky jumbo curlers and filthy slippers. I hate to admit it but the woman does clean up rather nicely.

Almost fifteen minutes later she walks out grinning to herself and pocketing what looks to be money into her cleavage.

What in the hell?

I snicker to myself, I always figured that the only way that woman could get some would be if there were money involved, I just never thought it would be her on the receiving end.

She rudely scares the heck out of me when she taps on the window breaking me out of my inner musings at her expense and tells me to get out of the car and while I'm more than a little wary I get out anyway and follow her to the back of the building where I presume the storage rooms are. Mama Cheney starts to hum again and suddenly it dawns on me. There are only two reasons why she would take me this way. She either sold me to some sicko-wacko-psycho or she purchased a soundproof unit and brought me here to kill me. Either way, they were both not in my favor.

"Uh, Mama Cheney? I don't know about this… I - I think I should go back to -" Before I can finish my sentence she spins around on her heels and eyes me murderously.

_Oh, sugar-honey-iced-teeeea!_

"Enough of that Mama Cheney nonsense, _Alice_. My name is Siobhan or Mrs. Cheney. Understood?" Too frightened to even think of making one of my usual snappy comebacks I nod furiously and continue to follow her to what may be my death.

We walk around for what feels like hours to my heel clad feet and I quickly forgot about my earlier fears because now I'm about ready to clobber Siobhan upside her head with my stiletto if she doesn't shut the hell up with that humming. Another corner and a few more storage units later we are finally at the one that apparently belongs to her. I watch her unlock the door and lift it up from my safe-place which is standing a few feet away just in case she tries something. I stretch on my toes and crane my neck to see a bit more inside of what could possibly be my final resting place and I see Mama Cheney yanking a tarp off of what is revealed to be a beautiful glossy cherry red convertible.

"Oh my word…" I find myself walking closer to the beautifully expensive machine, "this has got to be hands-down the most beautiful thing I have ever seen in my life!" unconsciously my hand reaches out to touch the hood but she smacks my hand away.

Bitch.

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><p>When I finally pull up to <em>Il Terrazzo,<em> pure unadulterated excitement courses through me and I have to keep myself from bouncing around and clapping like an idiot! _Il Terrazzo_ was the most upscale establishment in all Arizona and if you were here it meant you were rolling in the green so I was excited if not a little embarrassed to be seen in this clunker. Siobhan had talked me into driving her car in case the women needed a lift home and now that I think about it I realize that the convertible could easily sit me and her two guests. I had been hoodwinked. I hid my face while getting out of the car and scurried out of the way of the valet who was eyeing the tin can on wheels with much distaste.

Siobhan was waiting for me by the door and wearing a smirk that I just wanted to smack off of her stupid wrinkly face. She gave the host our names and we followed him inside to find our party had already been seated and served two rounds of drinks. I politely said 'hello' and exchanged pleasantries with both women and immediately flagged down a waiter for a drink; I could tell already that I was surely going to need it in order to survive this brunch.

"So, Mary-Alice, Siobhan has been telling us about your and Ben's upcoming nuptials! Are you excited dear?" Asks the woman to my right. Barely managing to mask my irritation I smile sweetly and nod to Mrs. Daniel even though I feel like snarking off to her.

_Keep it together old girl. This lady is crazier than a basket full of rabid possums. _

Mrs. Catherine Daniel was truly a psychotic bitch and that was the least offensive thing you could say about her. She is as sweet as sweet potato pie but has a record longer than every criminal in the world combined. Ok, I'm exaggerating but the sad thing about that is only that I'm only_ slightly _exaggerating. Mrs. Daniel had been arrested for domestic abuse, aggravated assault and lately there had been rumors of attempted murder.

Poor Mr. Daniel, I don't why he just won't divorce the woman instead of being a victim.

"Oh that's just wonderful dear! Absolutely wonderful!" Mrs. Daniel claps cheerfully.

"If you ask me I don't think it makes much sense why a pretty young thing like you would be interested in a scrawny little thing like Ben – no offense Siobhan darling" she pats Siobhan's hand condescendingly, "I guess you do take after your mother after all." Cackles the pasty witch in front of me, otherwise known as Margaret Flannigan.

Two words.

Alcoholic. Bitch.

"Oh come now Maggie, I don't think it's fair to judge my future daughter-in-law so harshly," Siobhan wraps her arm around me, "I'm sure she's well aware of the pre-nuptial agreement that I'm having my son's lawyers draw up, so I know she isn't in it for the money." She grins at me sardonically. "No, she's with is for the long haul because she loves my boy."

Tossing back the last of my non-alcoholic Reno Cocktail like it was the strong shot of bourbon I so desperately craved I excused myself to the ladies'.

Once inside the bathroom I bolted into the first stall I saw open and whipped out my cell to call Isabella. She was the only person I could really talk to and get a no-bullshit answer from. Of course calling Rosalie would get me the same result but I haven't been able to get ahold of her since last night.

"Hel_lo_? Earth to Alice!" Isabella snaps.

"Oh goodness! I'm sorry I guess I zoned out," I apologize, "but I need help here girl! I'm about three seconds from completely losin' my shit! I'm in way over my head and I'm trying my absolute best not to shank each of these harpies!"

"Ok first things first: Hello how are you? I'm fine thanks for asking. Yes I am having a wonderful afternoon so far, and yourself?"

"Bella, honey, I'm sorry but I don't have the patience to deal with your not so clever sarcasm, now will you hurry up and forgive me like we both know you will and just listen?" I huff.

"Where are you – are you in the bathroom or something? I keep hearing this weird echo," she asks.

Goddammit…

"YES! I am in a bathroom and if you would just shut the hell up for a second I could tell you why! Are you gonna let me talk now?" Hearing silence on the other end I continue to rant. "Benjamin's mama asked me out to brunch with her and a few women from the church and I accepted thinking it might be a good chance for us to get on better for my marriage's sake y'know? But ever since we stepped foot out of the house it's been thinly veiled insults here, and a dash of mind fuckery there! She talked me into driving her shitty pluck-pluck truck _to _Il Terrazzo_, _Bella, Il Terrazzo!" I screech, still seething about the embarrassment I felt._ "_And, you know, I've always given as good as I got with that woman but I swear… I just don't know what her problem is with me! I'm trying to bury the strife for at least one day but that woman just brings out the worst in me!"

"Alice I think you need to take a breather sweetheart." I scoff but do it anyway. "Good, now I want you to put your big girl panties on and go back out there and show her that you will not be easily defeated! I mean c'mon Alice – they are _old women_ and they have you running for the hills? You're lucky you called me instead of Rose, she sure would have ripped your crybaby ass a new one." She said.

"I'm having brunch with Mrs. Daniel and Mrs. Flannigan." I state.

"Oh shit. Ok, new plan. Just smile and bite your tongue, I mean literally hard enough that you draw blood if you have to. Just keep your trap shut until you are far, far away from them."

I sigh, "I don't know if I can do this anymore though, Bella. I mean Benjamin is a nice guy but his mother is Satan in the flesh! Benjamin needs to find someone who can deal with his mama or someone that she likes because it's obviously not me. He won me over with all his wealth and extravagant presents but lost me with his twat of a mama. It looks like I might call the whole thing off after all." No matter what Mother says, I add internally.

"Honestly Alice… Maybe you aren't good for Ben and I think…. No, I KNOW that you know somewhere deep inside your mind that you aren't good for him. That's the real reason you're talking about ending it – admit it."

I don't say anything, I just hang up.

I open up a blank text and begin to text Benjamin.

_I love you. _

I stare at the message for the longest time until I finally delete it and cry.

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><p>AN: Longest chapter! Please review :)


	9. Chapter 9: Rosalie

**What Are Friends For?**

**Colbie Caillat – Realize**

**DISCLAIMER: NOT AFFILIATED WITH TWILIGHT AAAAND NO COPYRIGHT INFRINGEMENT INTENDED. YEAH.**

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><p><strong>ROSEPOV<strong>

Things were shifting in the Hale/McCarty household, and I don't think I liked it, things were so off between Emmett and I that I haven't been able to concentrate on my work or spend time with my friends. I felt like a bad roommate and even worse friend for not noticing that Em has been pulling away from me in the last few weeks, I need to find out what's going on before I lose my sanity.

"Rosie, you home?"

Speak of the Devil and he shall appear…

"In here, Em!" I call him to the dining room where I'm setting down a plate of homemade cornbread muffins and a pitcher of lemonade and I look up at him when he enters and grin as he sniffs the air appreciatively with his eyes scanning the table like a hungry shark at a beach buffet.

"Mmm, country fried steak, butter beans, macaroni and cheese…damn woman, a man could get used to this! Oh my sweet baby Jesus is that Mama Hale's apple crumb cake?" He giggles like a schoolboy when he pinches off a piece of said cake and I whack him upside the head. Still I can't help myself; I swoon at his obvious enthusiasm and appreciation.

"Yes, that is Mama Hale's infamous apple crumb cake and if you keep on acting like a big pig you won't be gettin' any!" But he _can_ get some of this _anytime_… Bad Rose! I mentally slap myself and set about fixing my hungry man a plate.

"Seriously honey, thank you, but what's the occasion?" Emmett asks as he tucks in to his food. He barely looks up between bites but I don't take offense to it, Em rarely remembers social etiquette whenever food is present. "No occasion, I just miss you is all," I however don't miss the way his fork stutters on the way to his mouth when I say the word 'miss'. I guess he just realized he wasn't as inconspicuous with his absence as he thought. "You haven't been around much lately and I can't shake the feeling that it's because of something I've done so I decided to kiss some ass to get back in your good graces," I gesture to the spread like Vanna White, "Emmett McCarty style of course." My tone is slightly airy but inside I'm freaking out because once again my filter has left the fucking building and I'm stuck rambling!

"I've missed you too, Lilly-bug," he says quietly, catching me off guard, "I'm sorry, I've just had a lot on my mind lately and I just feel like… I'm ready for some things in my life change, y'know?" I shake my head because I don't know what he means but I have a bad feeling about it, a bad feeling about where this might leave us. He sighs and puts down his fork and pushes away from the table a little. He sighs before staring unseeingly out of the picture window and it's quiet for a long minute until he speaks again, breaking the foreboding silence. "Are you happy with the way your life is Rosalie? I mean here we are almost twenty-six fucking years old and we're still roommates, single in every sense of the word, and only living for our jobs," he humorlessly chuckles, "I'm just so done with this shit, Rosie. I'm ready for it everything we talked about as kids! I want a home, a wife, and kids – a fucking dog!" I remember exactly what he's talking about of course. When we were about eleven or so, before my family moved away, we would go down to the frog ponds -which we dubbed our "secret place" when we were eight or nine- and talk about what we wanted to be when we grew up, where we would live and how many kids and pets we would have. Back then it was always easy to talk to him about any and everything.

"Em, I don't know what to say… Wh-what brought this on?" I ask trying to get him to at least look at me to no avail which makes me equal parts relieved and devastated.

"I don't know… I guess I'm just…" He sighs dejectedly.

"Em- " I start but he cuts me off.

"Don't worry Rosie; this is not at all a thinly veiled confession to you," he laughs dryly, "I know how you feel about those things and most importantly me. You'll never want…." He trails off and shakes his head in what looks like defeat.

Instead of professing my undying love for him at what had to be the perfect moment I just sit there, mouth agape, like a true dumbass.

_Does this mean that he…? _

_No, he can't…_

_But what if…?_

_Not possible…_

_Maybe…_

Thankfully I'm yanked out of my inner musings by the mini heart attack I get from Emmett scaring the shit out of me when he abruptly claps his gigantic hands together.

"Alright, enough with the heavy… Let's eat!" His dimples are back in place and his bright blue eyes are shining like the clearest crystals.

Except…

If I didn't know about his telling 'jaw tick' I would have believed everything really was all better, but instead of calling him out on it I chickened out, convincing myself that I needed something more solid before I ended up possibly embarrassing myself and losing Em altogether if he didn't feel the same.

_Please Lord let him feel the same…_

* * *

><p>I can't believe I'm doing this. I drag my mascara wand through my eyelashes a second time and almost poke my eye out when my phone vibrates next to me.<p>

**R U home?**

I try to control the butterflies that have seemed to overtake my stomach and begin typing my response back to Em with shaky fingers and bated breaths.

**Yupperooni!**

_Yupperooni? What the hell, Rose?!_

_Hey, it's not my fault! The nerves have taken over! Blame them for me acting like a teenage dingbat._

My phone vibrates again and this time a picture of a shirtless, sleeping Emmett lights up the screen.

Don't judge me.

"Wow, who the hell are you and what have you done with my Lilly-bug?" Em chortles and I roll my eyes but smile goofily.

"Shut up," I smack my teeth, "Anyways, are you still coming home tonight?" Emmett hadn't been home in four days since his "mid-life crisis" over dinner so when he texted me this morning telling me that he was coming home I immediately began planning or… well… scheming. Needless to say those four days gave me ample time to think about what I wanted from him and the reality of it is that I don't want to be just Lilly-Bug the friend to Emmett anymore, I want to be his girl and maybe one day the next Mrs. McCarty.

"Uh, yeah, I'm about a half hour away actually; depending on traffic. I had to drop in and check on a friend." A friend? Who? What kind of friend?

He laughed, "Just a friend Rose, that's all, I swear it." Good going idiot! You spoke out loud and now he thinks you're jealous! You are but he doesn't need to know that!

"I wasn't jealous or anything! I was just worried y'know; don't want you hangin' out with gangbangers or drug dealers."

…_.Seriously?_

I face palmed myself. Idiot, thy name is Rose. Thankfully Emmett didn't respond but he laughed heartily instead. "Yeah, yeah, laugh it up, but when you're being booked make sure you smile pretty for your mug shot and take down the biggest guy in there or you'll be singin' opera in the showers!" He laughed again and began belting out a poor version of _O Fortuna_ and by this point I just wanted to slap myself across the face. Hard. "Anyway LB, I was just calling to make sure you were at home. I got some real good news I wanna share it with my best girl," I gasp inaudibly and feel my heart fluttering like mad, "Yeah and as my third best girl I wanted you to be there when I broke the news to her." The jackass laughed boisterously and I harrumphed, pretending to be put out when truthfully I was enjoying this playful side of him that I hadn't seen in a minute. Besides, with what I have planned for tonight who knows if I'll get another chance to see this side of him or even talk to him again if this goes wrong. "I'm just kidding LB, you know you're only third to Granny and Ma." And just like that I'm a puddle of sappy goo.

"Uh huh, whatever, just hurry up and get here. I got something for you, too." I put the phone on speaker so I can finish my hair and make-up.

"Woman, if you made me some Memphis-Style barbecue I think I might have to marry you."

_Shit! I wonder if I have some time to throw a few slabs of ribs on the grill. Nah..._

"Could you stop thinkin' with your stomach for a minute, Em? I swear if you didn't work out you'd be fatter than a full grown hog!" I scold.

"Well looka there! You can take the girl out of the boondocks but you can't take the boondocks out of the girl!"

* * *

><p>I check the time on my jewel encrusted Hello Kitty alarm clock that Emmett got me for the holidays last year. I threw a shit fit about it to hide the fact that I was on the verge of tearing up over such a 'cute' gift that only Em would dare get for me. I would never admit it but the damn thing was so adorable that I fawned over it for weeks before I even displayed it in my room.<p>

All too soon I hear keys being placed in the crystal bowl on the table and I shoot up from my vanity like my ass is on fire to finish preparing. After my shoes are buckled and my robe tied, I call out to my Em, ready to show him just what I need from him.

I use the remote to dim the lights and turn on the music from my hiding spot in the closet before I made my debut. The song I chose was Skin by Rihanna so I let the instrumental part of the song play and counted out the beats until I knew the first verse was about to come and I swayed out sexily towards Emmett with a look on my face that masked the fear and nerves that threatened to make me vomit at his feet. I began to sway my body side to side slowly and lifted my arms to show him my kimono style sleeves while bending my knees slightly and still grinding the hell out of my hips.

Oh shit, he gulped! That's a good sign. Right?

Getting bored with just hip grinding and swaying and feeling a little bit bolder –if I do say so myself- I walked up to him with feline like finesse all the while running my fingers along the slit in my robe and playing with the tie. When I reached him I noticed that there was a pillow in his lap.

Huh. When did that get there?

Without a second thought I tossed the pillow to the other side of the room and smirked when his eyes got wider. _That's right baby, I wanna feel every inch of you. _Reaching out, I placed Emmett's large hand on the tie of my robe and pulled my body away so he could 'unravel' me. I giggled when his mouth popped open at the sight of my black lace and ruffled balcony bra and matching thong.

"Like what you see?" I whispered seductively in a voice that sounded pure sex kitten-ish.

Em nodded dumbly and I giggled again, feeling myself becoming emboldened by his reaction I used his speechlessness to go in for the kill. I turned my body slowly and grabbed onto his knees while I slid my body sensuously down his and paused with my ass placed right over his crotch. I looked back at him and winked before I grinded on his – whoa there big boy! – erection and I'll be damned if I didn't cream my panties even more upon contact.

"Fuck Rosie baby, what are you doing to me?" He huskily grumbles in my ear and I moan as I feel my body quake as the tingles from just his voice threaten to toss me head first into a sea of unimaginable bliss.

"Only everything we both always wanted baby." I turn my head to him and kiss his lips softly and then all hell breaks loose.

I feel his large and slightly calloused hands grip my ass cheeks and knead them while Emmett uses his tongue and teeth to drive me crazy. I barely even notice that he has me pinned against the wall until he drops the robe from my body and I feel the cool plaster. "Please baby, tell me what this means." He pants. Although my mind is clouded with lust I string words together to answer him, "It means that I want – no – I need you. Right the fuck now!" I slam my mouth against his and pull his bottom lip with my teeth which makes him growl and his bulge twitch against my stomach. My hands frantically grab at his shirt to remove it but the damn thing won't come off. Sensing my struggle he steps back from me and lets my feet touch the floor and I whine in protest. That is until he smirks at me from under his eyelashes and with a single pull, rips his shirt in half and off of his body.

Ungh.

Muscles. Abs. Biceps. Pecs.

Again... Ungh.

I reach a shaky hand towards him and he pulls me back to his body and I feel complete. We resume kissing but this time it's not as hasty. Emmett lays me on his bed, his eyes roaming hungrily down my form before coming back to my eyes with a bit more clarity. It seems like he was looking for confirmation which I readily gave by unsnapping my bra and throwing somewhere behind him. One look at the girls and he was gone.

I've had many compliments on my breasts from men and women alike but never any like the one's Em were giving. "Luscious fucking tits… so sweet… so goddamn firm… ripe… fucking cantaloupes!" His face was currently buried in between said cantaloupes so when I giggled and my tits moved he groaned loudly before attaching his lips to my right nipple. I squeaked and moaned but all that did was spur him on. I ran my finger through his thick black curls, occasionally tugging when he nibbled on a nipple. When he seemed satisfied with his work he moved straight to the thong.

Okie dokie then.

I lifted my legs up to assist him but that was my mistake. He made a strange noise that was a cross between a whimper and a groan before commanding me to leave my legs straight in the air as they were.

Thank God for yoga and pilates!

I watched as he first ran his hands up and down my legs and thighs before he dropped to his knees and trailed his nose from my left thigh all the way to my right. And I do mean all the way! I shivered and bucked my hips but his strong hands wrapped around my bottom half, putting an end to all undesired movement. I couldn't do anything but watch as he used his thumbs to spread open my lips and blew straight onto my clit. My eyes rolled back and my body went rigid. He poked at it with his tongue, alternating between light pressure to something much more noticeable. As soon as I felt his mouth completely cover my pussy I lost it. I screamed as I rode his tongue for all that it was worth and blushed when he resurfaced with a very soaked mouth and chin. I offered to return the favor but he gently kissed my lips before telling me that he couldn't wait to be inside me any longer.

Again… Okie dokie then.

I leaned back to watch my lifelong best friend, who just so happens to be the man I've loved for just as long, sheath himself in a condom to – unknowingly – make love to me. When Em kisses my lips again I'm caught off guard by his cock stretching my poor little hole so wide. It burns like hell so instead I try to focus on Em's kisses and whispers of reassurance. After a bit of rocking and grinding I feel the last few inches slide deep into me and I gasp. Holy hell this fucker is one hung S.O.B!

While I'm lost in the feeling Emmett proceeds to move and I feel every inch of him slide in and out of me. He uses his thumb to rub my clit and I feel my body relaxing, not realizing that it was still tense after his abrupt entry. With each thrust the feeling is so intense and indescribable that I barely breathe. "Oh God!... Oh shit…. Oh fuuuck!" I scream when Em decides to go faster. His thrusts turn into shallower, quick movements and I'm balancing on the brink of insanity. "Emmett, yes, fuck!" I'm pretty sure I can see my brain because my eyes rolled back so far into my head that it's not even funny. "You like that Rosie baby? You want it harder?" Without waiting for an answer he begins to pound me into the mattress. I shake, I cry out and I squeeze him to me tighter, loving the feel of his weight on my body. Minutes, hours, or days later – I'm not sure – Emmett begins to lose rhythm and I watch entranced as his muscles tense and bulge before I fall into another orgasm, barely after Emmett had just finished his. He pulls out of me slowly but I still wince when I go to close my legs. My pussy is ridiculously sore and my legs are numb from having to spread them so wide for so long. I place a pillow in between my legs, vowing to take a long soak after a much needed nap. I'm almost asleep when I feel the bed dip behind me under his weight and I snuggle deeper into his embrace after he kisses my temple and wraps an arm around my waist. I don't know what tomorrow hold but it was damn worth it for today.


	10. Chapter 10: Esme

**DISCLAIMER: NOT AFFILIATED WITH TWILIGHT AAAAND NO COPYRIGHT INFRINGEMENT INTENDED. YEAH.**

**EsmePOV**

"Forget it."

"C'mon baby."

"I said no, Phillip!"

I watched through narrowed eyes as he gritted his teeth and snatched a blanket and pillow from the bed. "Fine, you frigid bitch I'll sleep on the couch tonight." And with that he slammed the door but I could still hear his footsteps stomping down the stairs. I refuse to feel guilty for not letting that man sleep with me. Husband or not.

* * *

><p>The next morning Phillip decided to bring his bad mood to the breakfast table. He yelled at Hunter for letting his spoon clink against his bowl, me for making his eggs too runny and Sophie for wearing a cute little graphic tee that Mary-Alice bought her for her birthday. The only one spared from his ire was little Dani who was upstairs in bed with a slight fever.<p>

Thankfully the bus pulled up a few minutes later and the kids ran out after giving me kisses and half-hearted 'good-byes' to their father. I spin on my heel as soon as the front door closes and attack.

"Do you mind explaining to me just what the hell that was, Phillip?! You have been short and just plain rude lately and under no circumstances will I tolerate you treating our children that way!" I fumed. "All you've been doing lately is making demands and threats and we have done nothing wrong! Now, I know we've been having some issues but I'm still your wife and you're still my husband so please if you need someone to talk to then I'm here. Either you can let me in or check yourself at that front door but don't bring your shitty attitude home." By now the adrenaline is pumping furiously through my veins and I feel empowered.

_You go, girl_. I mentally pat myself on the back.

Meanwhile, Phillip is staring at me with cold and empty blue eyes in complete silence. I throw my hands in the air in defeat and start cleaning the table off. I'm so lost in my thoughts and the dishes that I barely register the sound of a chair scraping across the linoleum flooring of the kitchen.

"You would do well to mind yourself woman." Phillip speaks calmly, "Those are my kids too and I won't have you telling me how to raise them!" he slams his fist on the table and I jump – much to my chagrin. "You wanna know what the matter with me is? You want me to stop being so damned angry and frustrated all the time? Well I'll tell you what; when you shut your goddamn mouth and let me be the man of my house then I won't have a reason to be 'snippy and rude'!"

"You know what Phil? I've had it up to here with you and this barbaric behavior of yours! When I married you I knew you were an asshole but not a bastard on top of it!" My head recoils to the left and my right cheek stings from the force of his hand.

"Don't you dare speak to me like that again; do you understand me?"

I don't respond, still trying to let my brain catch up to the situation but it's still in shock. Phillip's eyes are hard and cold as he advances on me. Luckily we have a spacious kitchen so I am able to retreat with every step he makes towards me. "Why're you running from me, _honey_? Has the Big Bad Esme lost her gusto all of a sudden, hmm?" he smirks. My lower back painfully comes in contact with the stove and I blindly reach behind me for a weapon. I'm not stupid; although I know I can handle my own, Phil has at least fifty pounds on me and half a foot. I pick up a skillet, not even caring when I hear the leftover scrambled eggs it once held fall onto the floor. I hoist it up and hold it out in front of me, ready to play baseball with my husband's head if need be. "You might want to back the fuck up, _dear_." I seethe. He stops for a moment and looks out of the window with a faraway look in his eyes.

"You know, I was talking to Deacon Evans yesterday and he mentioned that Renee was enrolled at the community college to get her degree or something in English. I think I should take her on as my secretary, whaddya think?"

What do I…? First of all, what in the hell just happened?

"What?" Feeling a migraine headache coming on I put the skillet back on the burner and massage my temples with my fingertips.

"I think I should hire her for the position, you know since Pamela went and got herself knocked up." He spits out the last part like it's an abomination. I have to hide the smirk that's threatening to split my face when I think of Pamela Johnson, Phillip's ball busting secretary that kept him in his place and expressed her rights as a female worker. She got married last fall and resigned from her position to be a stay-at-home mom.

I zone in and out while Phil rambles off a bunch of other malarkey and I just stare dumbfounded at the man that I've been married to for over a decade. "So young…beautiful…" Phil trails of with that glazed look in his eyes that I've come to recognize.

"No."

"Excuse – "

"You heard me. I said no and I mean it. If you're so hung up on this secretary business I'll come in and lend a hand but other than that – hell no."

He sighs and rolls his shoulders like he's tense.

Like I give a crap.

"I see you still haven't learned,"

"You touch me again and I'll scalp you in your sleep." I spit.

Phil leaves the kitchen but not before walking back over to the table and knocking plates and bowls to the floor.

"Deliver me, Lord."

* * *

><p>After cleaning the kitchen I decide to take a nice long shower. Letting the water hit my body I feel all the tension from this morning begin to slip away. I use my honey and almond scented body wash opting to smell fresh and delectable instead of the usual floral fragrance Phil likes. When I am dry, lotioned and dressed I peek in at Dani again. My baby girl usually doesn't fall ill so I'm more than a little worried. As if on cue she rolls over and clutches her belly in her sleep before vomiting over the rails on her bed. I run to my baby holding her pigtails behind her and rub her back, murmuring soothing words while she wails between gags.<p>

"Phillip!"

"Phillip!" I call again but I'm still not met with an answer.

"Damn him." I mutter under my breath. "C'mon baby girl momma is gonna get you cleaned up and take you to see Dr. Cheney, ok?" She gasps out a breath and nods her head weakly.

In the waiting room I'm holding my baby while she's wrapped up in a blanket because she's 'so freezing mama'. For what seems like the hundredth time since we got here I look at the clock on the wall and start shaking my leg in agitation but immediately still when Dani gives out a wail of discomfort. "Mrs. Dwyer? Dr. Cullen will see you now." The nurse tells me. "Dr. Cullen? Oh no, we're here to see Dr. Cheney."

"Yes I am aware. However, Dr. Cheney is out on vacation until the third. Dr. Cullen will be filling in for him until he gets back."

I nod while silently debating whether or not to trust this unknown Doctor with my child but when I hear her stomach emit a warning gurgling I make up my mind. My baby needs help.

She leads us through the corridor and knocks lightly on the door before pushing it open and seeing that the Doctor is not in yet. "Ok Mrs. Dwyer you just wait here and the doctor will be with you two soon."

I place Dani on the bed which causes her to cry out and cling to me and I sigh. I hated it whenever my children were sick. It hurts to know that I can't protect them from everything afterall. A knock on the door makes me jump but seeing the man who walks through is what causes my pulse to race.

"Hello my name is Carlisle Cullen and I'll be your child's doctor today. What seems to be the problem Ms…" He trails off as if asking for my name… My name? Oh!

"Oh! Yes, my apologies. Esme. Esme Dwyer." I say while shaking his hand enthusiastically. His large, smooth hand…

"Dwyer you say? Any relation to Phillip Dwyer?" he asks with a beautiful smile on his face and in his eyes.

"Ah, yes. He's my husband actually." I say.

"Oh. Well of course a beautiful woman such as yourself wouldn't be single. Just my luck, huh?" He jokes and I want to cry. He looks down and sees Dani in my arms and dramatically gasps. "Goodness! How terribly rude of me! Who might this beautiful little princess be?" Dani giggles weakly and tells him her name and how old she is while I look on in both pride and amusement.

"Ok, mom, so what seems to be the problem because Dani looks perfectly fine to me! I think she's just pretending to be sick!" he teases her and she giggles again. "I not pretend! I really sick!" I list all of her symptoms and a few of my theories and he nods before going over to the wall for sanitizer and gloves.

After a few quick tests we discover that Dani is developing chickenpox. I groan and mentally plan a trip to the pharmacy and living arrangements so Sophie and Hunter don't contract it. "If you have any other children I would suggest you use your judgment on whether or not you want them to contract it because as I am sure you know – chickenpox is highly contagious. Some parents decide to let their children all have it at the same time which can be a good thing meaning your child would have already had childhood chickenpox instead of adulthood chickenpox which are more complicated in terms of healing. However if you decide to do this you have to factor in the possibility of exposing you child to Shingles, a virus that goes hand in hand with chickenpox but only expresses itself later." He handed me some pamphlets which I surreptitiously used to fan myself. Hearing him speak medical jargon caused me to get more than a little hot under the collar.

"Thank you Dr. Cullen and I'll be sure to go over these later tonight." I said rising out of the chair with a prescription for calamine lotion and fever reducers.

"My pleasure Esme and please, call me Carlisle." He smiled.

"Carlisle." I tested the name on my tongue and I liked it. "Um so we'll be going now."

"Would you like to get together for coffee sometime?" Carlisle blurts out and his cheeks tint pink.

I start to smile but bite the inside of my cheek instead. "I don't know if that's a good idea. You know with Dani…" I was going to say because I was married but who says that I can't have coffee with someone just because I find them attractive?

"Maybe some other time then?" He looks so adorably hopeful that I have to accept.

"Sure. I would love to, Carlisle."

"Excellent!" He smiles. And I melt.

* * *

><p>"Why didn't you just clobber his ass?" I recount today's happenings to the girls over wine while Dani is napping upstairs.<p>

"I was in a state of shock! The bastard actually smacked me and I just couldn't believe it!" I exclaim.

"Well Essy, the next time he even thinks about laying a finger on you you'd better whoop him like he stole something!" We all laugh and I agree. I tell them about Dani and my encounter with Dr. Cullen next.

"Ooh a Doctor… And he's single you say? Can I get his number?" Mary-Alice jokes and for some reason it gives me an uncomfortable feeling in the pit of my stomach but I force a laugh with the rest of the girls. I shouldn't care that someone is interested in him. I'm a married woman for crying out loud! But I still can't help feeling...sad.

There's a lull in the conversation after that and as I pour me another glass of wine I notice Rosalie is a little too quiet. "Rose are you alright over there, hun? You're looking a little glum. Somethin' on your mind?" I take a sip of wine scrutinizing her the whole time.

"No I'm alright... I uh… I haven't been getting much sleep lately is all." She flushes scarlet and Mary-Alice and Isabella start cat-calling and teasing. "So you and Emmett, huh? I guess pigs must be shitting elephants somewhere!" Cackles Isabella. "So what was it like? Is he big or small? Cut or uncut? Ooh is it straight or curved and if it is which way? Did'ya make love or was it all out animal humpin'?" We all stare at Mary-Alice and she flips her hair over her shoulder and says "What? Y'all were thinking it too!"

True.

We look expectantly at Rosalie whom is chugging down wine faster than an alcoholic at an open bar. "Whoa whoa, slow down there girl! Save some for the rest of us." Isabella snatches the bottle from her hands and polishes it off herself just as she did with the other two bottles. I roll my eyes and send a silent prayer for that girl's liver. "I think I might be an alcoholic." She muses.

"So anyway…" Alice leads the conversation back to the topic of Rose.

"Em and I…we… well I uh…sexy dancing…and then boner! I couldn't… big y'know? And we just… Sex."

"Wait a minute – you and Emmett went dancing, things got a little hot and heavy and you ended up in bed together?" Alice tries to make sense of Rose's ramblings but she shakes her head 'no'.

"I sorta maybe seduced him and well…it worked. We had sex." She snatches up Alice's glass and chugs its contents and when I slide mine to her she looks at me with silent gratitude. "I don't see what's got your panties in a bunch," Mary-Alice says, "so you had sex. It isn't like the world is gonna end, sweetie-pie."

"Y'all don't understand! This is Emmett we're talkin' about! The man who has huge rippling muscles _everywhere_, the man with the cutest fucking dimples that would have made me shoot Bambi's mother myself, the man who –"

"OK enough about "Emmett the man"; I wanna hear how you feel about Emmett the person." I smooth her hair back in a motherly fashion, the same way I do for my girls when they are upset about something and like then it works like a charm. Rosalie sits up pin straight and says, "He's wonderful. He's been my best friend since we were kids and I know I can talk to him about anything and I know that he cares deeply for me…" She trails off and I see the problem immediately. "You don't think he feels the same as you." I state, knowing the answer already.

"How could he? I mean lately he's been talking about settling down and having a family and I just...Honestly I panicked. I mean where's that gonna leave me y'know? I know I sound selfish but he's my Em. _Mine_." Alice slides off of the couch and kneels in front of her. "Oh sugar everything is gonna be alright. Have you sat down and talked with Emmett yet." Rose shakes her head 'no'. I rub her back and sigh. Looking over to my left I see that Isabella has popped open another bottle and is currently partying by herself. "Isabella, what do you think Rosalie should do?" I question, wanting to include her in the conversation. She shrugs and pours another glass. "Nothing. Men are heartless backstabbing bastards and the worst thing you could do is fall for one and let them know. Now that you've had sex it's only a matter of time before he finds someone else to replace you." Instead of acknowledging her comment I turn back to Rose. We all know about Isabella's past and what brought her here to Arizona but hearing her speak sometimes reminds you just how jaded she really is. "In fact here's what you should do. Tell him it was a fling and meant absolutely nothing to you. That way you'll have the upper hand and your feelings will be spared. Which if you asked me shouldn't. What in the hell were you thinking? Yeah we all knew about your little crush on Emmett but I didn't think you would be stupid enough to act on it." Bella tsks and takes another gulp of wine. "I always thought that between the four of us, you and me were the least pathetic but I can see I was wrong. Seriously Rose, what were you thinking? You knew the consequences of this and yet you toss yourself into some mess like this?"

Rose looks like she's about to tear into Isabella so I begin to intercede. "Is there something you would like to share with the rest of the group Isabella? Maybe this idea you have about us being pathetic and whatnot?"

"All I'm saying is that we have the Tin Man – Alice because you sure as hell don't have a heart, the Cowardly Lion – you, Esme. Too afraid of what people will think about you instead of getting rid of that sack of shit you call a husband. And lastly the fucking Scarecrow over here acting without a brain! Now I'm no Judy Garland but I damn sure want to go back home."

We all look on in shock. Appalled by her rude behavior and cutting words.

"Isabella-"

"That's a bunch of cow shit and you know it." Mary-Alice stands with her hands on her hips in front of Isabella. "Just because some kid embarrassed you in _high school_ doesn't give you the right to treat everyone's feelings like crap! You say things under the guise of being caring and a so called realist but you're neither. You're an evil, selfish bitch who apparently didn't get knocked of her high horse hard enough!"

"You're one to talk, _Alice_! You're only marrying a man for his money and because you can't stand up to your momma! Please tell me how that makes you better than me."

"I never said that I was better than you but I sure as hell do think it. I don't treat Benjamin like crap. I don't neglect him or spit on everything nice he has ever done for me. Yes, I will admit I am marrying him for selfish reasons but at least I own up to my actions. I am providing my fiancé with companionship and he is financially supporting me in return – it's sort of a business deal and it works for us."

"And how does your fiancé feel about this so-called business deal? Let's talk about that."

"You wanna talk about something ok let's talk. Where are your kids - or your husband for that matter?" Alice and Isabella are standing toe to toe now and I stand up to push them away from each other. "Ladies, calm down. That's enough."

"Fuck you." Isabella spits which causes Alice to chuckle.

"Yeah maybe if you did that to your husband once in a while you wouldn't be such an uptight bitch."

"What the hell are you talking about? You all know that Michael doesn't have time for me. It's not my fault that he loves his job more than his family."

"Hell, can you blame him? You obviously love the bottle more than you love yours."

"And just what do you mean by that?"

"When was the last time you said thank you to him for all that he has done for you, huh? When do you put down your glass and stop bitching? When will you stop feeling sorry for yourself and grow up?! Your kids-"

"MY KIDS ARE NONE OF YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS!" Isabella screams.

"Enough!" I shout, "If you two cannot respect my home and behave like adult women then I'm going to have to ask you to leave!"

Both girls appear properly chastised but make no move to apologize to one another.

"Well?" I tap my foot impatiently for emphasis.

"I'm sorry," mumbles Isabella.

"I know," Alice snips and I immediately toss her a warning glare to which she huffs and pouts. "Fine! I'm sorry too. Y'all happy now?"

"Bitches be bringing drama," mumbles Rose whom stands up and adjusts her clothing, "I'm gonna head on home now; I'll talk with you ladies later." She hugs and kisses Mary-Alice on the cheek and turns to give me the same treatment. She stops in front of Isabella and we're all sitting on edge. Knowing what a wildcard Rosalie was – I think we all were in fear of the girl's safety.

"Bella."

We watch with rapt attention when the girl raises a brow and inclines her head slightly while still maintaining her earlier expression of nonchalance.

"Rosalie?"

Rose smirks before bending down at the waist to become at eye level with her. "The next time you dare speak to me like that I will not think twice about knocking you on your ass. Now I don't know what crawled up your ass and died and quite frankly I don't care. But this is your one and only warning from me." Bella scoffed and glared at Rose when she stood back up to her full height. "I'm not afraid of you Rose and I'll have you know – "

"Maybe you should think about using that vibrator I got you for your birthday two months ago. Heaven knows your cooter could use a good dusting out from all the cobwebs." Rose tosses over her shoulder before walking out the door. Isabella's jaw is wide and my eyes are becoming blurry from unshed tears of trying to hold in my laughter until I look over at Mary-Alice whom is currently on the floor by Isabella's feet picking up imaginary items.

"What on earth are you doing?" I ask her but she doesn't answer. Instead she stands with her palm up and taps Isabella on the shoulder. "Here ya go, Sweetpea." she says sympathetically. Isabella looks at her with a confused expression, "It's your face. I picked it up for you."

That did it.

All of the laughter that I tried to retain in the name of politeness burst forward and rushed out of my body and it felt good.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: What can I say? I hate pedestal perfect Bella. I've always felt that she was somewhat of a whiny bitch. Review if you want but I think I like the pm's, fav's and follows more lol :)**


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